What is your first thought as you look at the above picture? Cast your vote and then read what your answer says about you.
I answered (a) “This poor girl needs help.”
I answered (b) “Her parents must be proud!”
I answered (c) “She would be hot…if she were not completely passed out.”
I answered (d) “She is hot!
What Your Answer Says About You:
Congratulations, you have a heart and you probably have religion in your life. Chances are that you are a parent…and your greatest fear is not really for this girl, but that one day this may be your daughter. You react the same way each day when you watch Oprah Winfrey-look at all the sadness in the world! Secretly (and you don’t even know this), all this sadness elevates you and validates that you made the right choices. Good goin!
However, you secretly long for more. You have desires to escape your dreary, over-caring existence. It’s been too long. What about me you often ask yourself? But, nobody cares. They expect you to help them out…not the other way around. You set it up this way. You studied hard to attain your degree in martyrdom and look where its gotten you.
Answering this question…”this poor girl needs help”. It’s you who needs help. This girl had fun and you…you’re baking muffins for your thankless knitting club while you await your husband’s return from work. Yes, he will be home late from work, again!
Oh, and if you are a guy, and this was your first thought, you are gay.
You, my dear, are a woman who has lived and you have a fun, healthily, ironic attitude about life.
Why did you not answer “this poor girl needs help?” Do you not have a heart?
Of course you have a heart, but you also know that life is about lessons. And you learned your lessons a time or two, didn’t you? That night back in college…the time you made out with your girlfriend? That night you accidentally slept with the fat frat guy who was doing beer bongs all night? I know, you barely remember any of this, because you were right there with him, bong for bong.
If there would have been a digital camera that one night, the pictures of you might be far more revealing than this one.
Of course, that woman who lives next to you, the one currently baking muffins who answered “”this poor girl needs help”, does not know about these events from your past. She thinks that you are just like her…one of the good ones. But she doesn’t know about much. She doesn’t know why her husband is coming home late again. You do though-he told you one night at the neighborhood party after a few too many. He told you “cheating was ok” and that he was always home late because…”well, you know.”
Yes, you do know. You know all too well. You’ve lived and learned…as will the drunk, passed out girl in the thong.
Oh, and if you’re a guy, and your first impulse was to answer “her parents must be proud”, you’re gay.
(Societal Dispensation: If you are a husband/boyfriend and your wife/girlfriend is standing right beside you as you answer, you may have been forced to choose “her parents must be proud” to preserve relationship harmony. In this case, you are not gay…you’re just a pu**y.)
Congratulations my friend. You are a healthily, functioning member of the male species. Look at that body…the way her curved back leads to a perfectly formed, slightly-arched, thong-covered butt? She looks, not at this moment of course, like she’s in great shape. Perhaps on the college soccer or crew team?
In other circumstances (perhaps the preceding night), she might just be perfect. Who was the lucky guy who made her acquaintance that evening?
If she was your girlfriend, your true test of manhood would come when you accidentally discover this photo of her in her box labeled “don’t look in this box”.
You’re with a party-girl my friend…and she has a past. You were not the first one to travel that glorious road. Can you handle that?
Remember, she is with you now my friend. Everybody has a past? What if there were photos of you that night you went ugly? Move on. Get over yourself and enjoy the ride!
I have news for you my friend. You are pervert and you need help.
It is true…she is hot. But you need to qualify it like the others did. If you just say “she is hot” without any qualifiers, it’s as if you want to go jump her as is.
You’re that guy at the party who takes advantage of the passed out girl. I realize that you’re not “getting any” from functioning females, but you need to realize that this is a crime. It’s because of you that colleges now require a consent form before sex.
Everyone needs to start somewhere on the path to redemption. Here’s where you need to begin: If she can’t move or speak, it’s wrong! This will be your springboard to normality. One evening in the future, when you’re with a prospect, you may even find yourself thinking, “Well, she is speaking but her voice is a little slurred. I wonder if she’s too drunk”. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Right now, you need help. And help is just a click away as there are many people with your exact problem. Someone recently posed this very question to Yahoo: “Ok I want to change and stop being a pervert, help?”
If you can stop masturbating to the photo on this page, and read the answers posed in the Yahoo question, look no further than answer #5, which inarticulately states “u can get more if u aren’t called a perv anymore”.
And there’s your lesson: If you stop being a pervert, you can achieve all of your pervert dreams.
Get your copy of his latest book entitled Obvious Conclusions, stories of a Midwestern emigrant influenced and corrupted by many years living in San Francisco and abroad. It just received its first outstanding review "...reminiscent of David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs" on Amazon UK.