Many girlfriends ask the following question: Why Is My Boyfriend Acting the Way He Is?
As a guy, I can certainly see why women would ask that question. We men can often be found wondering Why Is My Girlfriend Acting the Way She Is?
But as a guy, I would like to shed some light on the question that many of you are asking. So, without further ado, here are five things to consider when you wonder:
Why Is My Boyfriend Acting the Way He Is?
He Is Different Than You
Remember, first and foremost, he is a guy. He is probably not going to be thinking or acting the way you do. Men do the same thing when we wonder about our girlfriends. Why does she not think like I do? This makes so much sense…why doesn’t she understand?
If you are thinking something is wrong in the relationship, because you are wondering why he is behaving in a certain way, stop. Ask yourself: Is he just being a guy?
The quickest way to undermine a good relationship is to constantly ponder it. I often hear my friends say “all she wants to talk about is the relationship, the relationship.” In many cases, this constant conversation about the relationship undermines its naturalness and can lead to the end of the relationship.
I remember a friend of mine who worked out a deal with his girlfriend. He said, “I don’t particularly enjoy relationship conversations but I know that they need to happen. So, I would like to propose that we have only two relationship conversations every three months.”
She agreed with the stipulation that he would have these conversations willingly, which he did. She reasoned that two conversations every three months is better than what I got now. This strategy worked out great for them.
She said, “Each week when I wanted to have a relationship conversation, I would make a note of what I wanted to say. Did I want to bring this up when we had our relationship talk? In the end, most of these things were trivial and I would simply forget about them. I learned to focus on the important things.”
Within a year, they got married.
Is he acting different than he was before?
Since you are wondering about his behavior, this implies that his behavior may have changed. There could be two causes for this: (1) The Relationship has gone on to a new stage. (2) He’s not that into you anymore.
The Relationship is in a New Place
A man will be different in the beginning of a relationship than he will as it progresses. Women do this too. It’s natural.
There will not always be the excitement that there was during the first days or months. In the first month, he may forego a round of golf with his buddies to stay in bed with you all day on Sunday. But after, he may choose to hit the course. Don’t get offended–you’re not doing anything wrong. Allow him these freedoms.
He’s Not That Into You Anymore
I wrote recently about intuition in relationships. Both men and women fail to use this invaluable tool as they seek to fix an unfixable relationship.
While you should certainly allow a man his freedoms, if he stops choosing to be with you altogether, this might be a sign of trouble.
I read one time that the people who stay the latest at work are married men and women. But, this was not to further their career so much as to have more time by themselves away from their girlfriend or spouse.
We all need time away from a relationship. Again, this is natural. However, you need to ask yourself: Are you having at least one or two great nights with your boyfriend each week? Does he still choose to be with you and actively engage in the relationship? Dinners, movies, nights together with you?
I once had a girl friend of mine ask me if I knew how to break into someone’s email? She thought I might know because I know a good bit about technology. I responded, “Why do you want to do that?”
“I think he might be cheating on me,” she said.
This is intuition in relationships and it’s usually right. But before jumping to conclusions and breaking into emails, I told her the following:
Ask Him
Often, women think too much about relationships and men don’t think enough. But, with all their thinking, there is one thing women don’t do enough of: Ask Him.
Men prefer the direct approach.
Here are a couple of ideas:
“Honey, you’ve been working late a lot. I just wanted to check in and find out if everything’s ok here on the homestead.”
“We’re not having sex as much as we did in the beginning. I just wanted to make sure everything is ok? If there’s anything you would like me to do, just ask. I’ll definitely consider it!”
“Honey, we haven’t had many date nights like we did in the past. I just wanted to let you know that I liked when we did and if you asked me out, I wouldn’t be upset.”
If you express things like that, you’re not asking for an elaborate conversation. You’re giving him information that he can use in a fun and playful way without any negativity.
If he gets upset and defensive, you might be losing him.
Men Are Easy to Figure Out
When a women asks Why Is My Boyfriend Acting the Way He Is?, she needs to remember: Men are basically easy to figure out.
If you treat your man right, he won’t stray.
One night, when I was out with my friends, everyone was looking at this one very hot girl walking down the street. Each of them was saying, “Wouldn’t you like to go there?” in some form or another. Then they looked at my friend Robert who wasn’t saying anything. “Robert,” they collectively asked, “Wouldn’t you like to get on that?”
Robert said, “Oh, she’s great to look at, but I wouldn’t get on that. I’ve got it great at home.”
Women often introduce unnecessary complexities into a relationship. Remember, men are simple creatures. Don’t over evaluate. And, ask yourself one more thing:
Are You Actively Engaged Outside of the Relationship?
A great philosopher once said: “Idle minds turn into monsters.”
In the same way, if all that you are doing is thinking about the relationship, wondering all the time Why Is My Boyfriend Acting the Way He Is, you will become the monster in his eyes.
Richard Cummings
Get your copy of his latest book entitled Obvious Conclusions, stories of a Midwestern emigrant influenced and corrupted by many years living in San Francisco and abroad. It just received its first outstanding review "...reminiscent of David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs" on Amazon UK.
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Comments 4
This article gets to me for one reason;
it implies that the man is about as brilliant as a dog.
Try this: treat each other (male or female) with the respect you would want to be treated with. Don’t expect him or her to change themselves for you. If they were a gamer before, expect them to be a gamer in the future too. If you aren’t having fun any more and you don’t think you ever will again, get the f*&k out. If you think you’re having problems, grow the f*&k up and talk about them. This isn’t junior high.
Men are simple. So are women. In fact, people are simple. Stop looking for problems.
Knylok, you mention that this article implies that “man is about as brilliant as a dog”. I presume you say this because I mention that “Men are simple” but yet you go on to say that “so are women.”
Simplicity does not equal stupidity on either the man or womans part. In fact, one might argue that it’s more intelligent to live a simple life than a complex one.
I definitely agree with what you say though: “Don’t expect him or her to change themselves”.
If this happens, it only happens temporarily. People do have the ability to adapt to the other person, but they will never change their foundation; that is who they are.
im not quite sure what “idle minds turn into monsters” means.
could you please explain this to me.
thank you,
Tia
It’s kinda the mind version of idle hands are devil’s work. It means basically that if you are not busy enough either way that your mind will wander and cause problems to drum up that may have been something small and not worth the trouble of risking a relationship over with.