If you’re in a bad mood today, let me tell you why. It’s Tuesday.
Tuesday has no raison d’être. If your unfamiliar with that term, look it up. It’s Tuesday after all and you feel like shit…might as well learn something.
If you don’t have Morrie on Tuesday, you’re SOL.
Susanna Hoffs from The Bangals didn’t like Monday. She kept whining that It’s Just Another Manic Monday. Wake up girl. Monday is the start of week. It’s that day when you can begin again with a fresh perspective. Come Friday, you’ll realize that you worked hard and achieved little. But today’s Monday–be excited about it.
There is an old saying, “Once begun, half done.” Since you have officially started your week, this saying means that it’s half over. By 10am, you’ll realize that this is bullshit and that you have 38 more hours of the workweek left. Besides, the week being half over is Wednesday’s purview.
Monday’s no amateur night either. If you want to hit the pubs tonight, do it. You won’t see the people that are there on Friday and Saturday. You’ll meet life. You’ll meet the hard-core, the gritty. You’ll find all the people who have given up; the people who start drinking at the beginning of the week. This will make you feel a lot better…until you realize that you are at the bar with them.
Wednesday’s is the great over the hump day. You have made it through Tuesday which sucked. You now realize that all your big dreams from Monday won’t be realized. Your saving grace today is that at noon you’ll be half way through the week. One more week of the 52 you’ll be spending this year. You might as well break the rule…go have a cocktail at lunch. Yes, I know, it’s against company policy. But what better way to celebrate the week being officially half over. And if you go on a bender tonight, you now only have two days to get through. So go for it. Wednesday definitely has a reason. The week is officially half over.
Thursday is Friday if you have your wits about you. Which would you rather have: a 2-day weekend, or a 3-day weekend? See. The only way to have a 3-day weekend every weekend is by acknowledging that Thursday is Friday. Then, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday are all weekend days.
This is about training your mind and is not for the feint of heart, the literalist. There is no way a literalist can treat Thursday like Friday. But you’re better than that. If you embrace nuance, you’ll greet Thursday as if it’s Friday no problem. It’s all in your perspecitve.
This also means that you get to go out Thursday night like it’s Friday night. You can close the bar down. Who really works on Friday anyway?
Your boss. That’s who. He sees what you did last night. Who are you kidding? Colognes and perfume can’t cover up that alcohol oozing through your pores. You keep going to the bathroom and applying more. It won’t work. Your activities last night cannot be hidden.
But there’s good out there. The good is that it’s Friday. There’s a reason people say TGIF. And you know it now as you look at that damn clock that doesn’t seem to move. At 5, you’re out of here. And you’re off to celebrate the weekend, which you started celebrating last night. And then you remember, Friday is really a weekend day–you have heightened perspective. What happens today at work…who cares? It’s the weekend. Just because you’re at work does not mean that you need to think about work.
The Internet is right there. Chat away. Surf. YouTube all day. Read The Best of Craigslist. Time will pass by quickly. Just be ready to minimize the screen quickly when your boss enters to tell you that you smell like the Jack Daniels refinery.
And don’t let your boss fool you. He’s jealous. He didn’t treat Thursday like Friday. So, he’s bitter! When he heads back into his office, he’s not working either. He’s surfing porn because he’s not getting any at home. He stayed home last night because his wife gets mad when he goes out with his friends. But she didn’t give him any and hasn’t for a long time.
So, remember, he’s not really mad at you; he’s mad at himself.
When you see him walk out that door at night, he’s falling into his miserable weekend abyss at home depot. You’re going to happy-hour. Who wins?
Saturday arrives and it’s now your 2nd day of the weekend. For the next two days, you get to play all you want, do whatever you want. Saturday is the best day of the week. If you don’t think so, you’re wrong. Look at all these songs about Saturday. People are happy.
Unless you’re Sam Cooke. He sang “Another Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody.” Well, this sucks. If this is the case, you’re probably looking at porn on the Internet.
At least you have company…your boss is doing the same thing.
Sunday arrives and it’s a beautful day. If it’s not, change your perspective. If it’s nice, you can go outside all day. If not, sports are on all day!
In the past, you had Sex in the City and The Sopranos on Sunday night. Now, you’re an Entourage junkie. After your great weekend, watch Vinny and the boys do their thing. You’ll enjoy it. Or, it might depress you as you realize that your life is nothing like theirs.
No matter. You’ll start anew on Monday with a fresh perspective, at least for a couple of hours.
…and late Monday, you’ll find yourself wondering…”What the f@*k am I going to do tomorrow?”
Get your copy of his latest book entitled Obvious Conclusions, stories of a Midwestern emigrant influenced and corrupted by many years living in San Francisco and abroad. It just received its first outstanding review "...reminiscent of David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs" on Amazon UK.