A British couple was just arrested for having sex on a beach in Dubai.
This news comes as a surprise to many. Of course, the surprise comes not from the fact that they were arrested — Dubai, though a modern country, is a predominantly Muslim country and frowns on public acts of indecency.
No, the surprise to many is that a British couple was having sex.
Despite procreative evidence, social researchers have longed wondered whether sex actually takes place in England.
The social researchers first interviewed England’s upper-crust. In their survey, they asked these aristocrats: “When you think of sex, what is the first thing that comes to mind?” The survey provided 5 possible choices and the respondents were allowed to choose two. The choices were: HOT, STEAMY, UNINHIBITED, DIRTY, INCONVENIENT. Respondents were also allowed to write their own answer.
“Overwhelmingly,” says researcher David May, “Britons upper-crust finds sex dirty and inconvenient. 95% of the respondents selected these two choices.” In the write-in section, he says, one man added: I don’t think she likes my trousers. This confounded the researchers, but they enjoyed the use of the word trousers.
A similar survey was given to the working class in England. The hypothesis was that their response would be different. Since their jobs are dirtier, the researchers speculated that the “dirty” business of sex would not put them off.
However, what the researchers found was nothing. They made the mistake of enlisting the support of a local person, who passed out the surveys in a pub. “Nobody wanted to take the time to do the survey. They’re too busy drinkin’,” she laughed.
“Why didn’t you give the survey somewhere else?” the researchers asked.
“I couldn’t find anybody who wasn’t at the pub,” she said.
“Well, how are we suppose to find out the sexual habits of the locals if they won’t take the survey?” asked the researchers.
To which the local surveyor responded, “I just told you what their habits are. They’re at the pub.”
In the end, the researchers found no actual evidence of sex going on in England and felt like failures. Thus, they were very excited to discover this case of a couple of Brits having sex on a beach in Dubai.
Until that is, in a court of law, the British couple acknowledged that they were drunk but denied having sex, claiming “we were just kissing and hugging”.
Richard Cummings
Get your copy of his latest book entitled Obvious Conclusions, stories of a Midwestern emigrant influenced and corrupted by many years living in San Francisco and abroad. It just received its first outstanding review "...reminiscent of David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs" on Amazon UK.
Latest posts by Richard Cummings (see all)
- The Google Pixel Fold: Why It’s the Star of Google I/O 2023 - May 9, 2023
- Book Review:Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid - March 6, 2022
- Beautiful World, Where Are You: A Book Review by Richard Cummings - February 18, 2022