Catching up on the upcoming weekend in sports on ESPN.com, I just came across a story entitled Book: Williams’ head abused at facility.
This initially may not strike you as odd if you do not know the story.
But, the “facility” in question is a cryogenics facility. Yes, a place where dead people are frozen with the hopes of being brought back to life at some future date.
The “head” in question was detached from the body.
I was unaware that frozen people were decapitated. After much consideration, I will no longer choose to be frozen when I die now that I am aware that they decapitate you. What do the people expect? That their old head will be placed on a young body when they return to life? Won’t that look a little out of place? Grandma’s head will be on a Kim Kardashian-like body? This brings the term butter-face (everything is good about her but her face) to a whole new level!
The individual in question, Ted Williams, was the last major leaguer to go a full season with a .400 batting average.
Thus, an employee at the Cryogenics facility thought it would be fun to swing a wrench, as if it were a baseball bat, at the frozen head. Ah, what fun they have at the Cryogenics facility. Such pranksters.
In a unique twist to the story, the son, who fought tooth and nail against his sister to have their father placed there, died 2 years after his father. He also froze himself. He has not yet been hit by a baseball swinging wrench, but you can bet those silly folks at the lab have something up their sleeve.
This summer I sat down with my parents to watch “Hung” on HBO. (Hung is about an unassuming teacher-basketball coach who is, well, -Hung.) My dad commented on the oddity of the three of us watching a show of this nature: “I just can’t imagine ever sitting down with my parents and watching a show like this.”
Times indeed do change. Perhaps one day in the future, Ted Williams (with some dents in his head and the body of Arnold Schwarzenegger) may have a similar conversation with his son, who’s head was misplaced onto the body of Rosanne Bar. Ah, those silly lab guys!
Get your copy of his latest book entitled Obvious Conclusions, stories of a Midwestern emigrant influenced and corrupted by many years living in San Francisco and abroad. It just received its first outstanding review "...reminiscent of David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs" on Amazon UK.
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